The Narratives We Tell Ourselves: “I’ve Been Too Busy”

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog post. As a matter of fact, it’s been a while since I’ve really written anything that wasn’t class- or work-related in some way. I’ve been too busy.

Or have I?

It feels like I have, and, honestly, I have been busy. I always have a lot on my plate at one time. I’m a full-time college student, and I have to commute an hour to and from campus each Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I have a part-time job. I have a relationship, and I have a pet.

It doesn’t sound like that much, does it? Well, let me tell you: it feels like “that much.”

So it’s very easy to just not do. Not read, not write, not blog. If I’m being completely honest, I’ve also reached the point of not doing my homework, either. Just shove it to the side along with everything else and say “I’ll get to it later” because I have so much to do that I feel too overwhelmed to do any of it. It took three or four days to write an eight-page paper, where normally it might have taken two, because I kept having to walk away from and get back to it because I have so much else to do, too. How many weeks have I been staring at the same To Do list, which has “blog post” scribbled on it?

I didn’t think it mattered all that much, just figured I’d get to it whenever things started to slow down (when—I may as well face it—I know they’re not going to). But I was on the phone with Nonnie on Saturday, calling to tell her I would come by sometime that afternoon to pick up the dishes that will go Dylan’s apartment, which I am about to move in to, and just before we hung up, she said she had something to tell me. I probably tensed, because usually when somebody says that, I automatically think it’s going to be a) bad news, or 2) something I don’t particularly want to hear, but then she said, “Now I’m not trying to get into your business, but, we really miss your blog.” She went on to say that the last one she and Papa had gotten from me was something about Dylan, and the last one I wrote about him must have been for his birthday in August, but when I was thinking about it on the phone I thought it was the one I wrote for his graduation in May—five months ago, and five months is an exceedingly long time to go, for a blog. Or even just for a writer in general.

So here I am. I am busy, yes, but to say that becomes nothing more than a flimsy excuse. A slightly more viable excuse might be “writer’s block” but I wonder if maybe Mr. Rozelle was right all those years at Brazoswood High School when he would say, “Writer’s block is a myth. Dentists don’t have ‘dentist’s block.’” I always came back with, “But Mr. Rozelle, dentists don’t have to be creative!” and while I still stand by that, the truth is, writers aren’t always creative, either:

Inspiration is a fickle friend, but discipline is not.

It’s not the lack of inspiration to blame for this very late blog post, or for the writing projects that patiently wait for me to revisit them. It’s the fact that I haven’t been working on them. Just that. Nobody and nothing to blame but myself.

So here I am.

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Where are you?